Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Barefoot Zatanna: No Cooperation At All.

Has Barefoot Zatanna Become The Most Worthless Of All The Barefoot Superheroines?

Barefoot Abby arrived in New Orleans around 11. She found Barefoot Zatanna's performance studio close to noon. The magic show didn't start until 1, so there was still time for the proper questioning we needed to conduct. I remained concealed in the rosebud that Barefoot Abby was carrying in her hand until such time she had privacy with Barefoot Zatanna. The barefoot lady magician took a drag off her locoweed stick to overcome her ongoing stress, Barefoot Zatanna exhaled the pungent smoke, and insisted that I make myself visible. Barefoot Abby began to feel distaste for the barefoot sorceress at this point, but I assured her this needed to be done as I manifested myself in the sight of Barefoot Zatanna. She was very down to business, asking what the Floronic Man has done to us this time. Barefoot Abby replied, very matter of factly, nothing--yet. Barefoot Abby insisted on knowing exactly what was done to Woodrue in his mindwipe and how much longer it will last? Barefoot Zatanna told us to get out. She said the Justice League is dead, and whatever the Secret Society of Super-Villains do after their mindwipe punishment is no longer any of her concern. This sent Barefoot Abby off on a tirade of her own! Barefoot Abby insisted that if I, the Swamp Thing had ever been a standing member of the Justice League, perhaps none of this Infinite Crisis business would be occurring. Barefoot Abby insists that if I'd been around, the Identity Crisis involving Barefoot Sue Dibny's demise would have not been so disastrous for every party involved. In the end, Barefoot Zatanna has no one to blame but herself, and no amount or makeup, hairspray, fancy top hats, fishnet leggings, or theatrics can hide that fact. Barefoot Zatanna then turned around, looking very different. Her face was older, unkept and haggard. Burn marks from her father's fiery death years ago scorched the flesh of one side of her face and neck, the hand that held her destroyed father's had healed badly, the wrist of that hand also scarred recently by the Barefoot Catwoman's whip. Likewise, the gash of recently inflicted scratch marks by the Barefoot Catwoman on the other side of her face disfigures Barefoot Zatanna further, nearly costing her an eye, which also remains wounded and unpatched. As are the glass cuts she received when hurled through a window and into a trash dumpster three stories below prior to that. Two of her fingers on her good hand are taped together rather tightly, probably due to Barefoot Zatanna punching the Barefoot Catwoman in the face to defend herself. Likewise, Barefoot Zatanna's body was no longer shapely and well kept, but sagging and worn and suffering possible internal injuries due to the attacks she sustained from the Barefoot Catwoman, aggrivating the previous injuries Barefoot Zatanna had taken in a confrontation with the assassin Deathstroke in late 2004. This was her true appearance, minus the glamor spell she cast long ago to maintain a perfect and youthful appearance, falsehood though it is. After this unsettling revelation, Barefoot Zatanna allowed the spell, which is permanent until the moment of her death, to resume. She told us this discussion was over. Barefoot Abby insisted it wasn't. Barefoot Abby posited that if Barefoot Zatanna was as inept as Constantine-- then certainly I, the Swamp Thing, should have taken my proper place amongst the ranks of the Justice League and been honored as such, neutralizing or destroying the dangers that continually plague us. Our barefoot daughter, Barefoot Tefé's monumental struggles should have to be aided to this very day by the Teen Titans and their companionship. That the heroes neglect of our family is wrong. Barefoot Zatanna returned that honor and privilege never enter into it: she was subject to the League's demands and was forced to mystically lobotomize the unspeakably vicious, cruel, and insane Dr. Light. This was the catalyst to Barefoot Zatanna's downfall. Barefoot Abby asked if John Constantine taught her how to do the spell. She demanded an answer. Barefoot Zatanna replied, yes she learned it from John. Barefoot Abby burst out of the room, she'd had more than her tolerance of magic and its abuses for the day, but I insisted Barefoot Zatanna return with us to ultimately deal with Woodrue, as his spared life and future sins were now her responsibility. She refused, saying that I would have to solve my own problems for myself, she's done attempting and failing to do anything heroic or in the line of duty. She'd rather die at the hands of the alien Sheeda than have to be held accountable for a mindwipe or a slaying again. Barefoot Zatanna went on sarcastically, to come back on Saturday. She'll be performing Houdini's infamous underwater torture stunt once again, and drowning nude in chains while daringly submerged upside-down in freezing cold water due to our appalling distraction of her concentration would be a lovely way for her to expire, she said. Perhaps I will come see her perform that challenging underwater stunt this Mardi Gras weekend. No doubt she will be in better shape by then, physically and emotionally. Hopefully we can mend our friendship after this unpleasant exchange. We shall see. Still angry, Barefoot Abby said Barefoot Zatanna will never get off so easy. At this point, harsh words prevailed and I had to escort Barefoot Abby out of the dressing room. We accidentally wound up on stage, where my towering stature and most unusual appearance to the masses won me a pleasing round of applause to which I bowed, standing beside a most shaken and surprised Barefoot Abby. She smiled, as she bowed her bejeweled lean sexy nude body to the adoring audience and said,
"Well, this beats a day at the resort!"

Today is World Thinking And Be Humble Day and it certainly is true.
It's good to be appreciated at times like this, even if I am just part of the show. And it is truly as they say, the show must go on...

Love and Sanctity. Nothing Else Matters.


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