Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Barefoot Black Orchid's Broken Heart.

More Chicanery From Drunken Detective Chimp...

Was Blue Devil and the Barefoot Black Orchid's relationship doomed from the start? Is Detective Chimp to blame? I do not know what to think, but here is what I am being led to believe in the matter thus far:

re: The Chimp Who Can Solve All Your Problems wrote:

"Looks like we're even, salad for brains. You really messed up with that whole Grotto fiasco with Grodd last weekend. But lucky for you, I'm not one to hold grudges. Still, your purple barefoot lady sidekick's in a bad way. Here's the scoop: Yesterday, I was hiding under a table in the back of the Oblivion Bar with my secret stash, the kind of serious crap Nightmaster don't want in his place. I was minding my own business when Barefoot Enchantress, Barefoot Lady Nightshade, and the Barefoot Black Orchid come over and sit down at my table, not seeing me hiding under there. Those barefoot girls. Forcing me to wait for them to leave. The nerve of them. Barefoot Purple Girl tells Barefoot Goth Chick and the old Barefoot Wicked Witch of the West that she's got herself some man problems. Barefoot Sexy Suzydelicious thinks her Big Boy Blue's been skipping out on her and getting it on with hot barefoot demon babes. Yeah! Like we didn't see that one coming. Anyway, after waiting too long for my tastes, the barefoot chicks finally get done chattering. They get up and walk out. Your flighty flowery barefoot girlfriend completely convinced her man's gonna be faithful, or they'll all deal with it in turn. Good. The open jealousy was getting on my nerves. If I wanted to hear shrill whining and groaning, I'd go back to the jungle. Damn hangovers. Make me feel like a safari jeep trail roadkill. Which, let me tell you, ain't pretty. I looked over the dough I borrowed out of Barefoot Nightshade's purse. Then looking up when the front door opened, I saw this awesomely blazing hot demon escort barefoot chick comes striding in the door. I was almost struck blind. Real hot barefoot babe, if I didn't prefer 'em shorter, hairier, and with more of a sloped brow. She gives Blue Devil the eye as she walks past. He smiles at the hot barefoot chick, but musclehead makes no move. Boring. She orders a drink at the bar and sits down at a table to wait for it to be mixed. I hop into the booth with her. She don't carry on with chimps, she says. I point over to the big bouncer and ask what about him? She likes him. I give her some of my cash, enough to please her. I say Blue Boy needs a hug, maybe a kiss. The Barefoot Hottie from Hell says she'll do better than that! Next thing I know, there they are, doing it on one of the tables in the back. Rook runs over asks what Blue Devil thinks he's doing. At least Barefoot Orchid Girl was more discreet in making the first move on her man. Then, the moment of truth. Barefoot Suzy's back for her next shift. She ain't happy. Barefoot Suzy shoves her boss aside and takes a look for herself. Devil would be beside himself, if he didn't have that hellaciously gorgeous piece of work giving him the business. I got my money's worth, even if I wasn't the one getting the service. Everybody's waiting for the smackdown. Barefoot Black Orchid vs Blue Devil: the final match. After it's over, they'll kiss and make up, get engaged and be hitched. No more silly jealousy woes. Doesn't happen. Barefoot Suzy says it's over, she hates him, she quits her job. Maybe she'll come back someday, maybe not. She walks out proudly, with her dignity. Now that's something every good nude barefoot purple chick should be able to do. Very classy barefoot lady. Better composure than I gave her credit for. This time, Blue Boy's the one who's upset. He asks how did this happen? Hell's hottest barefoot hooker tries to point me out, but she don't see me and goes quiet. How I hate having to hide under tables all day! So, where's your slighted sidekick now, you ask? On her way to see you, is my best guess. I tried to fix things between Devil and Barefoot Orchid, but sometimes it don't work out. That's life for you. If you need another favor just call. I'll be here. No, maybe not. Barefoot Nightshade's coming. She looks mad. Better run. Great talking to you. Chimp."

Barefoot Suzy has my every sympathy and respect. I hope to see her soon, for I will give the Barefoot Black Orchid my regards and full support. My trust and faith in Detective Chimp however, has most assuredly expired.

Barefoot Suzy's Strength!


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