Friday, February 10, 2006

Monkey Business.

In my time, I'm encountered every sort of entity or creature imaginable. Or so I believed.
Now, having received e-mail correspondance from Detective Chimp,
I can safely say that I have now seen virtually... everything.

re: The Chimp Who Can Solve All Your Problems wrote:

"You lose something, pal? That nude purple hot barefoot chick of yours has really been stirring things up at the Oblivion Bar, and I figured an update was due. About yesterday afternoon, the Barefoot Black Orchid comes in, and the place gets real quiet. Not that her attire [and I do mean the total lack thereof] would give anybody any real pause. But there she was, and it happened. It seemed like the only one in the place not in the know about the nude barefoot flower pod girl not being so rich and influential anymore, was now the target she's been slumming up time to stalk: the bouncer boy of the place himself, bashful Blue Devil. Now you see, the Barefoot Purple Girl walks in with a chip on her naked shoulder the size of Gotham. She gave the bartender the look of death, saying she was taking that nude waitressing job. Rook told Little Barefoot Miss Ultraviolet the position was already filled. If looks could kill, and believe me, sometimes they do-- then old Nightmaster would be dead on the floor and I'd be stuck looking for Shadowpact a new leader! Rook shuts up and starts being more agreeable all of a sudden. Pheromones, I figure. Good thing I'm immune. I get enough troubles regularly out of Mr. Brownstone. Before I turn around twice, here's the Pretty Nude Purple Barefoot Lady Petunia from Pasadena serving me the next round of drinks, the regular hot barefoot chick having suffered a sudden layoff. Times are tough. You'd think that would be the end of it, but no. First break comes. Barefoot Orchid shoves Devil into a closet and jumps him. Kinky. He's all into it. Good for him. Second shift break, more of the same. Third times the charmer. He figures out she's a little too hard on, when they make some noise, and tells her to blow and take a cold shower. Not so good. Barefoot Suzy-Girl blows her top. Why don't he love her? Where's the respect? Give a barefoot girl a break? He asks her if she left her brain at home. She grabs him, tries to kiss him in front of everyone. He shoves her off. She's pissed. She pastes him a good one in the mug, right between the horns and that lovetap sends him flying through a wall. I hear porcelain shatter. Pipes break. Water's spilling. Great. They got the men's room. Where else am I going to find a place with crappers that accomodate chimps? I'm smart, but I'm not that good. Back to the story, Devil don't bother to get up. Tells her to get out. She starts to say she's sorry, then she jumps and flies away. Sad to see the cookie crumble like that. Didn't see either of them at Metamorpho's birthday bash last night. No idea where they went off to, but I can hazard a guess. Today, things are different. Place is fixed, big surprise, and what's more blue and purple are looking like an item. She's perky and relaxed, and he's more smooth than I've seen him. Don't know what happened in-between. I can investigate, but you got to throw me a banana. Here's the catch: I look into this, make sure it's legit and stays pleasant for them. You help me out on my thing. Namely securing me another gulp of 'Grotto of Eternal Life' water to get me off these vices. I don't really enjoy having human addictions. They can kill me too, y'know. Yes, I know it's buried, so do you. You were there, when those idiots in construction dynamited a pile of boulders down a cliff right onto it and covered it up back in summer of ' 75. Dig it up, get me a spring water bottleful. Should be enough. And I make sure your nude purple barefoot lady sidekick don't blow her shot at the big romance with the guy with the horns. Sound fair enough? Now, don't drop this. Get back to me, and have a good one. Chimp."

Well, this situation is startling, to say the least. I will report again, as more of this comes to light.

Barefoot Tefé's Tavern Lounge Triumph!


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