Friday, May 26, 2006

The Return of Barefoot Poison Ivy!

Barefoot Pamela Isley Has Made An Apology.
Should We Have Accepted Her Back Into The Family?

Barefoot Poison Ivy returned to Houma on this day, the National "Sorry Day" of the Australians to their Aboriginies. Barefoot Tefé seems to think it may be too late, and the decision of whether or not to accept Barefoot Poison Ivy's return to the bayou may already be out of my hands...

re: Barefoot Tefé Holland wrote:

"Dad, Barefoot Poison Ivy was at the house tonight! Me and Mom just got back from some late night shopping. We were talking about the lawyers who fought in court over unpaid legal fees today. Mom doesn't think much of the local courts as it is, with all the hassles you guys got from the legal system years ago about your relationship being brought into question before I was born. And lo and behold, who do we find striding nude on down the staircase other than Barefoot Poison Ivy! Mom was seriously pissed!!! Barefoot Poison Ivy tried to kill our favorite family friend Barefoot Suzy at the Battle of Metropolis. Barefoot Ivy has some damned nerve to show up here tonight, at our house! I asked what the hell does she think she's doing, hiding out in our home? Barefoot Ivy admitted to being pretty scared of you, now that she's finally gone and crossed the line. Barefoot Ivy admits she's no better than the Joker, Hush, Two-Face, the Penguin, or any of the other crazy whack-jobs in Gotham. But she wanted Mom and me to convince you to give her a second chance to help find her way. Mom screamed at Barefoot Ivy to get out, and go find her own way out of our lives, saying that we're going to get enough serious problems out of Woodrue and King Toad when they return to give us more hell. Mom says we don't need any more crazy back-stabbing out of Barefoot Poison Ivy! But Barefoot Ivy just sat down on the stairs and she cried her eyes out. Mom was about to grab her, but I stopped Mom and told her it's not safe to touch Barefoot Poison Ivy, not when Barefoot Ivy's all upset like this. I asked Mom to let me handle it. I told her I'd be okay and not to worry about me. Mom went into the living room and told me to do whatever I want to, just get Barefoot Poison Ivy out of our house. I told Barefoot Ivy to follow me outside, and I wasn't going to tell her again. I know, I know. Empty threat, since my powers are gone. But it worked. Once we were out back, I told her if she really wants to make good on her promises, then she has to go find Jason Woodrue for you and single him out, since she knows him better than anyone. She said she heard Woodrue was killed in Metropolis. I told her Woodrue is just as immortal as you, and you're the only one who can kill him, before Woodrue wipes out Houma forever and kills all of us. Then I told her about Nerk and Sissy Bob's rampage with the explosives, and about Woodrue getting King Toad out of your Prison Tree just after that. Then I mentioned my own fears about the underground methane deposits that are sitting under the town. Woodrue touches those, and we're all dead. Barefoot Ivy said she would have to think this all over. Before I could try to stop her--she just ran away! She literally went running scared for her own stupid life. I can't believe you entertained the notion of letting this coward into our family circle. I'm so disappointed in you, Dad. Barefoot Poison Ivy is so totally worthless, why didn't you see that? I don't care how she's connected to your past. She'll never be heroic, let alone ever become a worthy protector of the Green. What a waste of time! That's it. I've had it. I'm going to join the Barefoot Wonder Girl's cult. Mom says go. She doesn't care anymore, just as long as I'm safe and taking care of myself. We all know I can do that. So it's up to you to save Houma and look after Mom. I'm done here. Good-bye. Barefoot Tefé."

Barefoot Tefé has indeed abandoned me tonight because of this. Barefoot Abby says she's glad our barefoot daughter had the good sense to finally leave us now. Perhaps this whole sad business with Barefoot Poison Ivy is my fault. I honestly don't know what to think right now. My barefoot daughter hates me and she wants nothing more to do with me. I feel so terrible. Tonight's a very sorry time.

A Close Call For Steel.


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