Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Memorial Day Reunion.

Barefoot Abby went to visit her father's grave today. She broke down and cried a lot, saying that her father was the first friend she ever had and she missed him so very much. I comforted Barefoot Abby as best I possibly could. Schiller and Barefoot Marcel stopped by. Meeting with this gentle elderly couple helped to cheer up Barefoot Abby significantly. When Barefoot Abby was feeling better, she asked where Barefoot Tefé was, as our barefoot daughter hadn't returned home yet. I explained how Barefoot Tefé was still in California after leaving her cult. She was visiting the grave of her loyal friend Barnabus Tookoome. I received this e-mail detailing Barefoot Tefé's unexpected interaction with our family friend Barefoot Suzy, about how another reunion came, resulting in a rather shocking surprise for Barefoot Tefé:

re: Barefoot Tefé Holland wrote:

"Dad. After Barefoot Zaina and I returned to Titans Tower after seeing Barnabus' grave today, you'll never guess who I ran into next: Barefoot Suzy. There Barefoot Suzy was, with her friend Tim Hunter, talking to Barefoot Lady Raven about options on how to free the Shadowpact. Apparently, it's going to take three months just to get one of them safely out of the dome they're locked up in, and the one most likely candidate for rescue is Detective Chimp. Barefoot Suzy was pretty damned pissed that she couldn't get Barefoot Lady Raven to save all of them. Tim Hunter, who's much more powerful than Barefoot Lady Raven, or Barefoot Zatanna, or any other magician, insisted to Barefoot Suzy that Barefoot Lady Raven knew what she was talking about. Barefoot Lady Raven was more concerned about the recent disappearance of the Martian Manhunter, who's been acting strangely lately. It looks like the Martian has got himself kidnapped by a divergent supervillain again. This time he was taken by a mad scientist from an alternate dimension who calls himself Captain Koma. Barefoot Lady Raven started to explain to Barefoot Suzy and her friend about how the reappearance of divergent realities with alternate Earths could start up another Infinite Crisis, even though this Koma loser isn't anywhere near Alex Luthor's league. Barefoot Suzy said J'onn can save himself and will deal with Koma on his own. She only cared about saving the Shadowpact. Barefoot Lady Raven was about to argue with Barefoot Suzy over this point some more. But then, Barefoot Lady Raven saw me coming, and she headed off in the other direction in a big rush, without even finishing her talk with Barefoot Suzy. Why is it I have that kind of impact on people? Anyway, Barefoot Suzy lightened up and she was really glad to see me. We hugged, then I found out a little more of how Barefoot Suzy's pheromones work. Barefoot Zaina saw Barefoot Suzy as a prissy barefoot blonde overdressed and repressed lady barefoot secretary type and not as the nude purple barefoot nymph we know her to be. Barefoot Suzy's pal "Timmy" couldn't help but laugh at the way Barefoot Zaina carried on, since he hadn't seen anyone under the influence of Barefoot Suzy's pheromones all day. Either that, or Timmy's a total perv like his mentor John Constantine. Whatever. Timmy already has a barefoot girlfriend, of course, namely my cousin Barefoot Gemma Masters, who I finally got to meet at the hotel where they were spending their Stateside summer vacation, but Barefoot Gemma busy was taking her bath, so we left her to it.

Now, here's where it got weird. After this Hunter guy was completely convinced I haven't got my powers back yet, [and I still think he was flirting with me, which didn't make Barefoot Zaina too happy!], Barefoot Suzy said it was time we all went to what's left of San Diego, [the suburbs that didn't get hit by that huge-ass tidal wave to become Sub-Diego]. Barefoot Suzy said it was time for me to learn the truth about my first-ever childhood friend Barefoot Maxine Baker. Did you know Barefoot Lady Blackhawk is just as good a limo driver as she is a pilot? Barefoot Suzy was just glad to be back riding around in one for the day, not having done so in the last four months, courtesy of Barefoot Zinda's boss: Barefoot Lady Oracle. It made Barefoot Zaina's head spin too! When we arrived, I was the only one to get out. Barefoot Zaina liked the air-conditioning too much to brave the heat. Barefoot Suzy was too busy having an argument with Timmy to give any further attention to me. The sun blazed down on me, tanning my feminine nude ass. I barefooted over the hot sidestreet pavement into the driveway of the Baker home, wishing I'd remembered to summer-balm lotion my always bare feet this morning. I should always--ALWAYS--remember to sunscreen the soles of my bare feet in late spring and summer. Damn, that concrete was hot! I stopped for a second to cool off my heat-scorched forever bare feet on the freshly cut front lawn. The mowed grass underfoot felt wonderfully cold and wet with all those sprinklers going. That was sweet. There's this huge sign spread over the front of the house saying: "WELCOME HOME, HERO!" I guessed Barefoot Maxine must still live with her parents, as this was clearly meant for her dad, Animal Man. The barefoot lady of the house was also outside nude soaking up the sun and she had just finished mowing the frontyard. She looked great. She waved at me, to come on in. She rinsed her sweaty hair and nice nude body with her garden hose to cool on down. I took this awesomely hot pic of her when she turned off the water. She warmly welcomed me."

"I told "Barefoot Maxine" how beautiful she looked, reintroducing myself as Barefoot Tefé, and I gave her a big hug! Then she told me she wasn't Barefoot Maxine, but her barefoot mother, Barefoot Ellen. She said she's already talked to Barefoot Suzy on the phone about today's visit. Barefoot Ellen said she was flattered to be mistaken for Barefoot Maxine. Barefoot Suzy walked up to me and asked if I was surprised by Barefoot Ellen's strangely youthful appearance. It didn't surprise me at all, having been prematurely aged myself. Barefoot Ellen showing no signs of aging just means she's luckier than my mom, who's only just beginning to age at 50. Barefoot Suzy said that's not it. She said Barefoot Ellen isn't really middle-aged at all. She stopped aging years ago. Barefoot Suzy said the real surprise was going to come from Barefoot Maxine and her brother Cliff. Barefoot Ellen opened the gate to her backyard, as we followed her. I was shocked to see her barefoot daughter, little Barefoot Maxie when I took this picture of her standing in the shade after she came outside, turning her back to me, as she did to her own future, apparently."

"She was even wearing the same childhood clothes as she had been years ago, at least until she finally got undressed. Once nude, she came out in the sun to play and splashed into the swimming pool with the rest of us. Guess her moment of shyness came from all of us staring at her. Still, learning that little Barefoot Maxine is a child after all these years was startling even to me. Barefoot Ellen tells me that Barefoot Maxine's always going to be like this. Even Tim Hunter couldn't believe it. And Barefoot Zaina kept saying this was some kind of sick joke and Barefoot Ellen had to be the real grown-up Barefoot Maxine. But I know the truth when I see it. Barefoot Suzy, Tim, and I took turns trying to reintroduce ourselves to Barefoot Maxine. But little Barefoot Maxine just splashed water in our faces with her wet pigtails and kept calling us fakers. She hadn't seen her real friends in Free Country all that long ago and we couldn't possibly be grown-ups now in her mind. Barefoot Maxine said we were all liars, and for some reason her taunts really hurt. Barefoot Ellen said her kids don't recognize the passage of time. They'll never grow up, and Barefoot Ellen will never grow old. The Barefoot Black Orchid said this somehow took place when Animal Man returned from a trip to Earth-Prime on a mission to resurrect his dead family. That's why this happened. Destiny itself was changed to bring about an otherwise impossible resurrection. The lives of Barefoot Ellen and her kids are frozen in time. We will fix this someday, so they'll age normally, but for now I realize that Barefoot Ellen, Barefoot Maxine, and Cliff are stuck this way! Now I realize why it was so important to see little Barefoot Maxine again today, expressly for this reason. All your talk about making your own destiny, Dad? It's all true. You were always so right. Even about Barefoot Poison Ivy. I'll never doubt you again! Promise. Love you always, Barefoot Tefé."

I'm so glad Barefoot Tefé has managed to learn this. It is an important lesson I could never have taught her myself. We never control destiny, but we still manage to influence our fates. The future depends upon this. In the end, all we have is our memories and our intentions of design.

Dealing With Another Crisis.

Monday, May 29, 2006

The Question: Seeking Answers.

Barefoot Renée Montoya. The Question's Daring New Partner!

I received an e-mail from the mysterious vigilante known as
the Question tonight that raises as many questions as it answers:

re: The Question wrote:

"When does it become practical to ask a monster, from where do
monsters come, Swamp Thing? This is the Question I ask of you
tonight. Gotham City: My partner Barefoot Renée Montoya was on a
stakeout when she beheld a large hulking figure enter the building
she was watching on my behalf. Barefoot Lady Detective Montoya
determined to followed the creature inside but was familiar enough
with the place from previous situations that two stealthy entrances
were best, one on the roof that I took, and a faster one underwater,
at which point she decided upon once she finally saw the creature.
She secured her gun in a waterproof holster, stripped herself nude
and she plunged herself into the murky bay, bravely swimming to the
underwater entrance. Once inside, she realized that she was being
followed by the Question. She went to turn on the lights, but she
wound up triggering another trap door, which she quickly avoided.
The creature threw a crate at her. Swift on her dirty-soled agile
always bare feet, she jumped out of the way, but was swatted aside
by the creature, losing her gun when her sleek nude body hit the
floor. The creature attacked the Question. I was saved when my
partner fatally shot the creature with one of the high-tech weapons
that was in the crate. So what was this creature? It certainly wasn't
Solomon Grundy, Killer Croc, or any other known quantity. Let this
be the Question that is set with you. Permit me to unvex you with
another Question. How does a creature such as the Floronic Man
escape you without being witnessed? Could it be this little problem
may not be as large as it seems? Consider these facts and questions
most carefully. Interpret them at your best discretion.
Inquisitively yours, The Question."

I have no idea what sort of new monsters have been unleashed upon
Gotham. However, this mention of Woodrue not being as large as
he seems has got me to thinking. Perhaps the Floronic Man may be
smaller now? Then he would have escaped with King Toad unseen!
Now I have an answer it seems. The only question remaining tonight
is if the Question and Barefoot Renée Montoya will be able to solve
the mysteries that clearly stand out before them...

Memorial Day Reunion.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Barefoot Tefé's Cult Experience.

Was Barefoot Tefé's New Faith Misplaced?

Barefoot Tefé and Barefoot Zaina took part in the activities of Barefoot Cassandra Sandsmark's cult this weekend. Barefoot Tefé has learned a lot about herself in this experience, as her e-mail demonstrates:

re: Barefoot Tefé Holland wrote:

"Dad. I went to Titans Tower and met with Barefoot Cassie yesterday. Barefoot Zaina and I were ordained into her cult just a few hours afterward. It was actually kind of fun. Barefoot Zaina kept telling me how hot I looked in the black and red hooded robes we wear. She's so damn shallow, but that's why I love her so much, because Barefoot Zaina's crazy about me. Barefoot Cassie, on the other hand, is just plain crazy. Anyway, Ralph Dibny was really stand-offish about joining, and he's been a part of this almost as long as Barefoot Cassie. He didn't like it that the older members of the cult like himself weren't talking, and the younger members like me didn't really know anything, but that we were just along for the ride. Dibny wanted answers. He's been staying with Barefoot Cassie for well over a week now, but he doesn't feel the intimacy has availed him very much. Dibny thinks Barefoot Cassie is using him. I'm not surprised. Today we went down into an underground cavern under Titans Tower where Dibny was to finally have his initiation.

He wanted to know about the cult's promise of resurrection. He thinks Barefoot Cassie is going to bring Conner Kent back to life, and if she does then Dibny wants his barefoot wife, Barefoot Sue back as well. There was a pool of water in the caves the believers say, “immersions in the striped waters of the river Memon granted visions of the afterlife”. They asked Dibny to get in and told him the payment is not money but something more significant. He said that Barefoot Sue was all he had. Barefoot Cassie held his hand tightly. We then submerged him in the water. When he came back up he found himself alone. Our group was gone, heading back to the surface via a secret route. He must have learned as well that his wedding ring to his dead barefoot wife was gone. Barefoot Cassie snagged it, before she shoved him under the water. What a very un-superhero thing to do. A Teen Titan robbing a former Justice League member. Really! What a way to break things off. Dibny must have really felt put out. I wonder if he really saw the afterlife when he was underwater? It was probably a one-shot deal anyway. Guess I'm not going to find out what happens next, because at our high temple of worship, Barefoot Zaina got impatient and wanted to make out with me. It's not that kind of cult, wait until after hours I told her. Barefoot Zaina didn't get it. She was reprimanded by Barefoot Cassie for not giving Conner his proper praise. Barefoot Zaina said we can't make churches for every superhero who dies while saving the world. Barefoot Cassie rejected her from the cult and told her to leave, as she was an unbeliever. I opted to leave, too. Barefoot Cassie asked why should I depart the cult? Don't I want to restore my lost powers and reunify my still-remaining connection to the Green? She says if I don't do that, then I'll eventually suffer the same fate as Barefoot Lady Jade, only it will happen here on Earth. I said I've lost enough, and I don't want to lose Barefoot Zaina too. I know this Kryptonian connection thing is the right track, what with Superman's near death experiences before Doomsday, one of which you were involved in saving Superman from his Scarlet Jungle Fever, Dad. But I have to look after Barefoot Zaina. She could get into some pretty bad stuff again. Anyhow, Sunday School's over for me. I'm out of the cult and as soon as I take Barefoot Zaina home, I'll be back with Mom soon enough. I still wish I knew how all this cult business will turn out.
Now completely nude and free up again, and left alone to explore the underground caverns further down, I took a rather unexpected dip in one of Brother Blood's Lazarus Pit bloodbaths Barefoot Lady Raven still bathes nude in all her mystic summoning and divining rituals. The ledge crumbled under my bare feet, plunging me on down into it. Bless My Barefoot Goddess, I'll never forget what that blood was like. Just couldn't believe I was swimming in all that fucking mystic blood!

The pool was heated, yet a chill ran up my spine, my big nude tits hardened. And that taste? Only a vampire could love it. And I know they have. Nasty! Yuck! Hell, there's nothing like having the full cult experience! A barefoot lady of faith couldn't ask for more sensation than this! What fun! Anyway, I showered under the waterfall and later on we went swimming nude in the caves tonight and camped out there afterwords. Barefoot Zaina likes the way our voices are echoing in these awesome caverns. Still no visions of the afterlife, though. No matter how long I try to hold my breath and stay down nude underwater. I think we can work things out. I can't wait to see you again. You're still the best Dad ever, even if you screw things up a lot. Tell Mom I'm doing fine. Turns out Barefoot Zaina had 175 dollars more in travel money than I thought we had, and--Oh, crap! That's Mr. Dibny's credit card. Damn. Barefoot Zaina took his wallet. Well, this certainly sucks. We've gotta get the hell out of here, in case he comes back. That guy's a fucking psychopath. We better haul ass, real fast! Talk to you later, Dad. Love, Barefoot Tefé."

Barefoot Tefé will be returning home soon. This is very good news indeed. Perhaps her interaction with this cult has prepared her to deal with the dangerous times we have ahead of us.

The Question: Seeking Answers.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

A Close Call For Steel.

Can John Henry Irons Survive The Dangers Lex Luthor Throws His Way?

I was watching television with Barefoot Abby at her house today, when a news broadcast came on. Steelworks Laboratory in Metropolis exploded this morning. John Henry Irons, the director and foreman of the company was missing and presumed dead. Has Lex Luthor taken another life? We wondered. Later, around 3:45 P.M. the electrical power to Barefoot Abby's house was lost. She pulled the drapes up, and said it wouldn't be a problem if it didn't last too long. The electricity came back on at 4:30 P.M. and Barefoot Abby was glad the power outage caused by a switch failure only lasted 45 minutes. When the TV came on, we saw Steel was very much alive. He was encased in his familiar armor and speaking live to reporters. He claimed what happened to Steelworks was an accident and he was glad no fatalities took place. It would seem Steel's troubles with Luthor are only beginning. As for the local power failure here in Houma, I can't shake the feeling that Woodrue was somehow responsible. Yes, the future for everyone is starting to grow much darker. I will be staying with Barefoot Abby tonight, and make for certain she will be safe. Let us hope that Steel can do the same, protecting the people of Metropolis.

Barefoot Tefé's Cult Experience.

Friday, May 26, 2006

The Return of Barefoot Poison Ivy!

Barefoot Pamela Isley Has Made An Apology.
Should We Have Accepted Her Back Into The Family?

Barefoot Poison Ivy returned to Houma on this day, the National "Sorry Day" of the Australians to their Aboriginies. Barefoot Tefé seems to think it may be too late, and the decision of whether or not to accept Barefoot Poison Ivy's return to the bayou may already be out of my hands...

re: Barefoot Tefé Holland wrote:

"Dad, Barefoot Poison Ivy was at the house tonight! Me and Mom just got back from some late night shopping. We were talking about the lawyers who fought in court over unpaid legal fees today. Mom doesn't think much of the local courts as it is, with all the hassles you guys got from the legal system years ago about your relationship being brought into question before I was born. And lo and behold, who do we find striding nude on down the staircase other than Barefoot Poison Ivy! Mom was seriously pissed!!! Barefoot Poison Ivy tried to kill our favorite family friend Barefoot Suzy at the Battle of Metropolis. Barefoot Ivy has some damned nerve to show up here tonight, at our house! I asked what the hell does she think she's doing, hiding out in our home? Barefoot Ivy admitted to being pretty scared of you, now that she's finally gone and crossed the line. Barefoot Ivy admits she's no better than the Joker, Hush, Two-Face, the Penguin, or any of the other crazy whack-jobs in Gotham. But she wanted Mom and me to convince you to give her a second chance to help find her way. Mom screamed at Barefoot Ivy to get out, and go find her own way out of our lives, saying that we're going to get enough serious problems out of Woodrue and King Toad when they return to give us more hell. Mom says we don't need any more crazy back-stabbing out of Barefoot Poison Ivy! But Barefoot Ivy just sat down on the stairs and she cried her eyes out. Mom was about to grab her, but I stopped Mom and told her it's not safe to touch Barefoot Poison Ivy, not when Barefoot Ivy's all upset like this. I asked Mom to let me handle it. I told her I'd be okay and not to worry about me. Mom went into the living room and told me to do whatever I want to, just get Barefoot Poison Ivy out of our house. I told Barefoot Ivy to follow me outside, and I wasn't going to tell her again. I know, I know. Empty threat, since my powers are gone. But it worked. Once we were out back, I told her if she really wants to make good on her promises, then she has to go find Jason Woodrue for you and single him out, since she knows him better than anyone. She said she heard Woodrue was killed in Metropolis. I told her Woodrue is just as immortal as you, and you're the only one who can kill him, before Woodrue wipes out Houma forever and kills all of us. Then I told her about Nerk and Sissy Bob's rampage with the explosives, and about Woodrue getting King Toad out of your Prison Tree just after that. Then I mentioned my own fears about the underground methane deposits that are sitting under the town. Woodrue touches those, and we're all dead. Barefoot Ivy said she would have to think this all over. Before I could try to stop her--she just ran away! She literally went running scared for her own stupid life. I can't believe you entertained the notion of letting this coward into our family circle. I'm so disappointed in you, Dad. Barefoot Poison Ivy is so totally worthless, why didn't you see that? I don't care how she's connected to your past. She'll never be heroic, let alone ever become a worthy protector of the Green. What a waste of time! That's it. I've had it. I'm going to join the Barefoot Wonder Girl's cult. Mom says go. She doesn't care anymore, just as long as I'm safe and taking care of myself. We all know I can do that. So it's up to you to save Houma and look after Mom. I'm done here. Good-bye. Barefoot Tefé."

Barefoot Tefé has indeed abandoned me tonight because of this. Barefoot Abby says she's glad our barefoot daughter had the good sense to finally leave us now. Perhaps this whole sad business with Barefoot Poison Ivy is my fault. I honestly don't know what to think right now. My barefoot daughter hates me and she wants nothing more to do with me. I feel so terrible. Tonight's a very sorry time.

A Close Call For Steel.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A Good Quiet Day For The Holland Family.

Today proved to be a most excitingly pleasant Ascension Day.
I arrived early at Barefoot Abby's house this morning to join in the family's gardening of Barefoot Abby's annual cucumber crop. She received a phone call from Barefoot Suzy, saying that several of the space heroes are now missing, in addition to there being no change in the Shadowpact's situation. Barefoot Abby asked Barefoot Suzy to calm down and just relax her troubled mind, insisting that everything would turn out to be fine for everyone who is currently unaccounted for. This is exactly what Barefoot Suzy needed to hear. My barefoot wife, Barefoot Abby is so good and excellently dependable in handling uneasy situations such as this. After getting off the phone with my young barefoot lady partner, my barefoot wife and barefoot daughter went out nude into the backyard with me to attend our gardening. Once Barefoot Abby showed Barefoot Tefé how to settle the cucumbers, Barefoot Tefé's natural knack for gardening proved to be impressive indeed. When the barefoot women were done with their garden arrangements, both looked upon me with great anticpation. Placing my hands into the earth, I felt the slow growth of the cucumbers. Speeding up the growth process, the crop sprang forth much to my family's delight. Harvesting the large cucumbers, Barefoot Abby made a splendid salad. Barefoot Abby and Barefoot Tefé enjoyed eating the salad very much, as they showered me with compliments on how delicious it was. Barefoot Tefé then left us for the day. She was going to spend some quality time at the naturist resort's sauna room with her barefoot girlfriend, Barefoot Zaina.
This left Barefoot Abby enough privacy with me to spend the rest of the day to our own love-making, putting my own personal cucumber to a very different use! When Barefoot Tefé made it home earlier tonight, Barefoot Abby insisted I return to my duties in the swamp and check up on my old friend Jordan Schiller. Barefoot Abby thanked me gratefully before I left, for another glorious time spent together romantically, as always. Barefoot Abby said she knew that I would "rise" to this occasion. It's good to know I can always satisfy my beloved barefoot wife! Such a wonderful way to dedicate this 125th post to my weblog. If only every day could be so fun and meaningful.

The Return of Barefoot Poison Ivy!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A Louisiana Earth Elemental In Black Adam's Court.

Today, I visited the Arab nation of Khandaq. I have met the supreme monarch of this Egyptian land, High Khan and Prophet Teth-Adam, who is known throughout the western world as Black Adam. As I approached the borders of his kingdom, I found his reaction to be most prompt. He levitated before me, demanding an explanation for my presence. I began to worry that my slow speech patterns would try his patience. But he listened attentively, and deigned to escort me personally to his palace. It would seem his intentions for diplomacy are genuine, if somewhat more than heavy-handed. And indeed, I do seem to fit with his expression of seeking alliances that desire to change the world, as I have clearly done in the past. I rather tend to think he was more concerned with the changing nature of magic, for that is the source of his power. To drive this point home, we soon found ourselves in a strangely heroic team-up, rescuing the beautiful young Barefoot Adrianna Tomaz II, barefoot daughter of the long-deceased Barefoot Andrea Thomas-Tomaz, former mortal host of the fabled powerful Egyptian Barefoot Goddess, Barefoot Isis, from a pair of recently-entombed enchanted mummies.

I purposely neglected to inform Black Adam of the barefoot girl's identity, or the presence of Barefoot Isis's spirit within her. I'm sure they will both discover this soon enough when the time is right for her to become Barefoot Isis, as her barefoot mother surely did, as did her father's barefoot sister, the original Barefoot Adrianna Tomaz I, had done before her...

At any rate, Black Adam and I discussed the present states of our respective dominions. He has had to deal with issues of famine, Palestinian terrorism, domestic abuses, and invasive foreign intrusions within his borders. Black Adam was pleased to find my company so leniently compliant to his wishes. He approved that I was merely a benevolent visitor to his court seeking to address certain issues. He even explained why it is not permitted for a being such as myself to effect environmental changes in his country for the better, but to express my opinions directly to him and his court for his eventual consideration. In truth, he feels his influence alone is the only salvation his homeland has. This is why he feels he must go to such extreme lengths to protect his home and slowly incorporate it's development by his own actions. When we arrived at the subject of my own problems, he merely addressed the topic of the Floronic Man not belonging to this dimension and the prompt need for his disposal. Black Adam supports King Toad's rebellion, sadly. He would however provide asylum for my family in his own palace, should the worst for Houma come to pass. The Cajuns, he believes, should be my responsibility alone. He posits that as the Good Gumbo Man, I am the Prophet of the Acadians, and therefore I should be the one to righteously guide and deliver them onto salvation. In the end of this counsel, while our positions did not change, it seems our separate paths have attained new directions. He will seek more constructive means to preserve his kingdom, encouraging a more open-minded standing amongst his people. Meanwhile, I am to crackdown on the Floronic Man problem. If and when Jason Woodrue is located, it is then Black Adam would be more than happy to help me destroy him, so long as Woodrue is no longer aligned with King Toad. Disappointed with this, he dismissed me and I turned to leave. Walking outside, Barefoot Adrianna was bathing luxuriously in one of the palace's great water fountains and I said hello to her.

To my relief, she asked me questions about Black Adam, which I found to be very promising. I told her if she should one day confront Black Adam, she must be unafraid and highly vocal about how he could change his country for the better. She must tell Adam that he will fail in changing the world. Barefoot Adrianna must attempt to convince Adam of the dangerous course that he seems set upon. Even when Adam tries to be dismissive of her, she must bravely stand her dusty sun-scorched Arab ground beneath her own two lovely always bare feet in the desert sand. She promised she would try to do this someday. Perhaps in a couple of months all of this will come to pass and she will become Barefoot Isis. I took her in my arms and kissed her, made love to her in the water, giving her my blessing. She said she was honored by the pleasure and benefit of care in joining my world-wide harem of barefoot lady lovers.

Then I left, after telling her that we would someday meet again, as she smiled and said good-bye. At least some great good came of this day. I would hate to have had my time wasted here. It is with this complicated state of affairs that I left the corrupt Black Adam's country for my own. Nothing has changed here in any profound sense, but I cannot help but think today's interaction, shared understanding that was of positive effect. Perhaps someday, we will know full the implications of today's meeting in the terms Black Adam knows best. In the edicts constantly founded in ancient and modern history...

A Good Quiet Day For The Holland Family.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Black Adam: Has He Gone Too Far This Time?

Today is the Day of Disunity, according to the Discordianists. Is it any wonder then, that Black Adam choose to open the Embassy of Kandaq on this day? Barefoot Tefé has her own thoughts on the latest extreme action on the part of Black Adam...

re: Barefoot Tefé Holland wrote:

"Hey, Dad. You wouldn't believe what happened in New York City today. Black Adam was at the opening of Kandaq’s United Nations Embassy in the Big Apple with his prisoner Terra-Man, who didn't seem so trapped, but rather the outlaw cowboy seemed to be enjoying himself. Go figure. Anyway, Adam starts talking about how the world has praised their heroes but where are the Batman, Superman, the Barefoot Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, and all the other big shots now? Well, he does have a point there. He said he hopes to gather allies that will deliver a message to those wanting to talk advantage of their absence. Then he said, “The first message is simple people like this man don’t deserve to live.” He picked up Terra-Man by the seat of his pants and ripped him in two!!!! Damn, that was awesome! Scary, but awesome at the same time. Now that's the kind of treatment King Toad has coming. And this Black Adam episode was broadcast live, so everybody saw it. Yes! Adam just flew away after that, shouting back to the press, “It’s time for heroes who don’t just patrol the world, but to change it!” Admit it, this is some serious food for thought, given the danger we're facing. Anyway, this is turning out to be an intense week for watching TV. Booster Gold wins and then loses a fortune gambling with a bad investment on Sunday, then Lex Luthor clears his name on Monday, and now Black Adam gets away with "pulling" this today! Mom thinks Black Adam is completely nuts for doing that to Terra-Man, but what do you think? You've got to stop the Floronic Man somehow. Maybe you should consider doing things the "Black Adam" way. Maybe then you'll get some results. I don't know. The middle ground not be any safer than the high or low roads. But doing that put me where I am now and I guess I'm happy, if still a little scared. So give this Black Adam guy's methods a little consideration, okay? It may sound extreme, but remember, we are all still in danger here at home. They're still fighting one of the fires down the street. We have no idea if Nerk and Sissy Bob bought it when they blew all that stuff up, trying to kill the town. King Toad escaped from you, the next day. You have no idea where Jason Woodrue is. And Barefoot Suzy's going nuts looking for ways to save the Shadowpact. All the more reason to look into every option available to keep Houma safe, like Black Adam is doing for Khandaq. Keep working at it, Dad. You're still the best. Love, Barefoot Tefé."

Perhaps I should reserve judgment in the case of Black Adam until
I meet with him personally to settle this matter. Tomorrow, I should
pay the monarch of Khandaq a proper visit. Yes. I will do exactly that.

A Louisiana Earth Elemental In Black Adam's Court.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Lex Luthor's Latest Deception.

Luthor Has Returned. And He's Up To His Old Tricks...

The Barefoot Black Orchid returned to STAR Labs for her check-up today, despite Barefoot Suzy's desire to continue investigating the Shadowpact's sudden disappearance. She was curious about the situation with the apparent death of "Lex Luthor", who we believe to the corpse of the divergent young Alex Luthor altered to become an exact double for the older Lex Luthor belonging to this Earth. The Barefoot Black Orchid was given a spectral examination of blue light.
To her great relief, she was given a clean bill of health.

After seeing her doctor, Barefoot Suzy lurked outside of the medical examining room to spy and await the results of the latest autopsy.
To her surprise, she was only to witness the true, living Luthor's arrival upon the scene...

re: Barefoot Susan Linden-Thorne-Weems II wrote:

"Alec, I was about to leave STAR Labs today and resume my search for the Shadowpact out west, when I heard important talk coming from the room where the alleged body of Lex Luthor was being examined. Sure enough, the identity of the body is indeed a sham. John Henry Irons, the man we know as Steel, discovered colored contact lenses. Now he knew the body was a fake. Yet, before he could actually do anything with this information, the real Lex Luthor came barging in with the press claiming that he was imprisoned in an alternate dimension, while this other Luthor went around pretending to be him, forming the Villains United Society, creating the OMACs, and nearly destroying the world. I barely had time to properly hide myself from all those people Luthor brought with him. The last thing I want is to be caught on film in a compromising situation such as this, unless it is of my own time and choosing. Fortunately, no one knew I was there, as I'd ducked behind a corner to hide myself just in time. Luckily, I was able to hear what was being said clearly, as the news programs would probably censor a lot of what was actually conversed. Luthor claimed he escaped during the Crisis which John Henry Irons can verify. John Henry has said nothing to refute this, so basically Luthor was cleared of everything on the spot! Anyway, that's what happened today. Now that he's no longer President, or a fugitive anymore, it looks like LexCorp is going to reopen. Lex Luthor is back in business. Oh, how I despise the man! The sooner I can get out of Metropolis, the better. Just thought you'd want to know about this. I'm going back to looking for ways to find or contact the Shadowpact, assuming they're still alive. I don't have time for involvement in this kind of situation. I hope Steel can manage to deal with all of this. He's the only one who can directly oppose Luthor, now that Superman is gone. Let's hope this isn't another disaster in the making.
Sincerely yours, Barefoot Suzy."

Lex Luthor is back in the game, and this time there may be no one left to stop him. As if the problems of this world were not frustrating enough...

Black Adam: Has He Gone Too Far This Time?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

A Gathering of United Heroes.

Heroes United.

I'm quite enjoying my new association with the Heroes: United.
It's proving to be an enlightening experience, meeting so many interdimensional survivors of the Infinite Crisis. As you can see in the ensemble picture above, even time travel is allowed to expand the ranks of the gatherings, as several of the heroes I am familiar with, would not have been present. The family joined in and had a wonderful time, of course. All-in-all--today's gathering of heroes was an incredible, wonderful, magnificent diversion. This feeling of happiness and belonging has helped to raise my spirits tremendously.
Never again will I feel so alone. For truly, we are all Heroes: United.

Lex Luthor's Latest Deception.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Barefoot Tefé's Graduation, and Barefoot Zatanna's Birthday.

Today was Barefoot Tefé's high school graduation day. I cannot tell you how proud and happy I am for her! The commencement was at Terrebonne Parish Civic Center in Houma at 4:00 P.M. Sadly, an unfortunate incident came to pass, as earlier in the day her barefoot girlfriend, Barefoot Zaina locked the keys in the car Barefoot Tefé had shared with her. Barefoot Tefé was most unhappy about this, as Barefoot Zaina had told too many people about her mistake. The car was broken into and stolen with ease. Barefoot Abby did her best to calm Barefoot Tefé down, insisting this was not the end of the world. Barefoot Tefé told Barefoot Abby she was counting on that car for a fast escape from Houma, should King Toad and Woodrue come out of hiding. Barefoot Abby said we can protect ourselves from any danger, just as we always have. Barefoot Abby just wanted a quiet graduation day. Such was not the case, as Barefoot Tefé found herself seated uncomfortably amongst the graduating students. Several rowdy drunks seated directly behind her, screaming obscenities at the all-too-forgiving Principal. The same school adminstrator, Barefoot Tefé pointed out, who almost flunked her out and nearly threatened to force her to repeat her final year, rather undeservingly. The noise became deafeningly painful. Barefoot Tefé wanted to hit the invasively loud fools with something. But Barefoot Tefé restrained herself, for she has suffered through far worse than this. After waiting a frustratingly long time, she tells me, she strided her always bare feet onto the stage in her line and received her diploma. Barefoot Abby cheered for Barefoot Tefé excitedly. The ceremony over, Barefoot Abby and Barefoot Tefé found themselves trapped in a crowd of people milling about. They were forced to hold hands to keep from getting separated until reaching the exit and finally going home. Barefoot Abby wanted to stay for the reception party, but Barefoot Tefé refused as she'd only be ridiculed for being bisexual and for becoming another beautiful over-priced high-end escort, now that she could join the lucrative elite sex business. She was glad to be rid of the awfully ignorant bullies of both genders in the pointless failing American school or shall I say "fool" system. Barefoot Tefé was content to be home and get some well deserved rest, before jetting off to the tropics to meet and entertain the first of her many wealthy clients. Barefoot Abby found out one of the congratulation cards they have received was from the mysterious Barefoot Lady Oracle, who'd obviously been Jim Gordon's help in making certain Barefoot Tefé's graduation came to pass, as well as guaranteed homeschooling opportunities in the nudist communities to prevent such schooling corruption problems from ever happening again to our young ones in the future. This helped improve and comfort Barefoot Abby's peace of mind a great deal. Barefoot Tefé did however manage a smile. She is glad that, "Another long crazy nightmare is over." Indeed.

"Free, at last!" she said. Now let us hope that all this was worth it...

And Then, There Was Our Sexy Nude Beautiful
Barefoot Lady Friend, The Lovely Barefoot Zatanna!

Later this evening, Barefoot Suzy and I went to San Francisco,
California to attend Barefoot Zatanna's 46th birthday pool party.
Everyone affectionately knows her as "Barefoot Zee", for short.

Barefoot Zatanna first introduced me to Barefoot Cassandra Craft,
blind clairvoyant and keeper of Barefoot Zatanna's mystical library.
Barefoot Cassandra also now possesses the mystic medallion of the
Phantom Stranger. The amulet glowed beneath her wet nude breasts.

Another beautiful blonde Barefoot Cassandra was at the pool party.
Barefoot Cassie Sandsmark, the exquisite Barefoot Wonder Girl.

The well-bronzed nude young Barefoot Amazon DemiGoddess smiled.
Her designs were unknown to us, though her presence was inspiring.

And there were the Justice League's beautiful Barefoot Birds of Prey.
Our barefoot female traveling companions certainly had a fun time.
There was Barefoot Zinda Blake, our adventurous barefoot lady pilot.
Barefoot Lady Blackhawk joined the party, enjoying her nude swim.

There was Barefoot Dinah Lance. Famous high-class fighter.
The beautiful Barefoot Black Canary is as sexy as she is complicated.

There was Barefoot Cindy Reynolds. Sultry wandering world-traveler.
The bronzed Barefoot Lady Gypsy said she can't resist a good party.

There was Barefoot Mari McCabe. Famous barefoot lady top model.
The Barefoot Lady Vixen posed nude well for our cameras, of course.

Barefoot Zatanna invited some of her friends from Britain as well.
John Constantine could not make the trip, so he sent his mutual
friend Tim Hunter in his place. Barefoot Suzy introduced me to
her childhood friend, "Timmy" whom I only saw briefly once
before at Stonehenge, on that dreadful night when the Spectre
was invoked. Meeting this young man was an interesting experience.
More interesting was to find Barefoot Gemma Masters as his date.

Hunter is said to be the most powerful magician living. So I asked for
some advice in handling my current situations. He proved unequal
for any of the tasks. I declined to ask specifically for his help, but the
young Hunter did mention he would someday truly like to meet my
barefoot daughter, Barefoot Tefé, should she ever regain her powers.
There was Constantine's barefoot niece, Barefoot Gamma Masters.

Barefoot Gemma is friendly with Barefoot Zatanna and to me, but
I sense she already knows too much about the ways of dark sorcery.

There were also guests from other dimensions at the pool party.
Present was Barefoot Lady Nuala Llyrion, a Barefoot Elf Princess.
She is the Barefoot Lady Scion of the Eldritch Seelie Court of Faerie.

Barefoot Nuala also serves in the Dreaming. She knew my friend, the
late Matthew Cable. We both had a great deal to relate about him. As
Matthew the Raven, he was a strong good influence to the residents
of the Dreaming. Barefoot Nuala hopes she will live up to Matthew's
strength and courage. I'm glad Matthew at last found his redemption.

There was Barefoot Amy Winston. An immortal Barefoot Sorceress.
Barefoot Lady Amethyst, the Barefoot Princess of the Gemworld next
greeted me as she emerged in her wet loin-sash raiment in the pool.
Her regal majestic nude body jewelry shimmered brightly in the sun.
The beautiful barefoot blonde sorceress and I had much to talk about.

And there were those friends we do not encounter often enough.
Barefoot Suzy spent most of the time in the pool, taking underwater
pictures of our friends. Barefoot Mary Marvel is very beautiful nude.

The party for Barefoot Zee was brief and finished quickly since most
of the guests expressed concerns for the missing Shadowpact heroes.
The only remaining note on this occasion was the television news,
observing today the act of Black Adam's slaying of members of the
international criminal organization known as Intergang, in Khandaq.
Barefoot Mary hopes Black Adam's tyranny won't get out of control.

Shortly after watching this report, we noticed the immortal mystic
Dr. Occult finally arrived, overdressed for the party, and an hour late.

Barefoot Zatanna threw back her slick wet ponytailed dark hair,
and she smiled at him, dancing nude at her place in the pool.

Barefoot Zee said the party was over. She hoped everyone
enjoyed it, and she politely asked us all to start leaving now.
This was to be Barefoot Zatanna's genuine way of celebrating
her birthday. "Tease me!--Please me!" She proudly sang and
danced with the loud classic rock and roll background music.

The trenchcoated man then vanished. He was instantly replaced
with a beautiful perpetually barefoot woman in a summer dress.
Unexpectedly, Barefoot Rose Psychic now stood in Occult's place.
[This ageless couple share a decades-long corporeal existence].
The eternally young flapper-styled Barefoot Rose grinned at us.
Suffice to say, her bob-cut short hair would look much better wet.

The barefoot lady supernatural detective quickly undressed.

Her grit-blackened dirty soles of her typically always bare feet
bounded gracefully across the patio racing toward the water.
She barely made a splash, with her clean swift sexy nude dive.

She plunged gracefully nude into the pool, and so to our delight.

Barefoot Suzy, who was still underwater, took this lovely nude picture
of Barefoot Rose. Barefoot Zee smiled. Barefoot Rose sprinted her
swimming nude body toward her, while Barefoot Zee smiled brightly.
Barefoot Zatanna's amorous intent for the mystically-combined couple
was clear. Sexual excitement filled the air. It felt most pleasing.
Occult emerged nude on the pool's far end, and he was embraced by
Barefoot Zatanna. The lovers submerged. Barefoot Suzy, finished
with her own swimming, left the pool and joined us on the bench.
Barefoot Suzy smiled. The party was now definitely over for the rest
of us. Still, we all remained and watched. Barefoot Zatanna and
Barefoot Rose emerged happily from the water. The evening sunlight
glistened on their dripping wet faces and their wet slicked-back hair.
Yes, Barefoot Rose's hair definitely did look much nicely better wet!
The two nude beautiful barefoot women kissed passionately...

...while they submerged themselves gracefully again, as the sun set.
This was most remarkable, seeing the barefoot lady magician in the
water embraced by the powerful Dr. Occult for one moment, and her
kissing the sweet lovely Barefoot Rose Psychic, with the very next.
Barefoot Zatanna casually waved good-bye to us before returning
underwater to make love to Occult/Barefoot Rose, in so loving each
of them the same. Understanding and loving both of them, in such a
way no one else ever would. Everyone present laughed cheerfully for
this reassuring pleasantry, and we all prepared to leave. The rest of
Barefoot Zee's devoted friends and lovers showed themselves out, as
Barefoot Suzy and I went outside into the garden to talk alone.
We discussed the future, which seemed appropriate. I told
Barefoot Suzy not to worry or despair over the Shadowpact's
fate. She insisted I do the same about the situation in Houma.
Barefoot Zatanna shouted from the pool, "Next year, there'll be
more men here! I promise!" This made everyone laugh. I myself
certainly enjoyed the company of all the beautiful barefoot women.
We hugged and said our good-byes. I have just returned home
to the bayou. Today was a fine day. I am so proud of my family
and friends,and everything we have accomplished. In these
uncertain times, we continue to make the most of our lives.

And that is in the best interests for everyone.

A Gathering of United Heroes.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Family, Friendships, Faith!

I stayed at the cabin today, remaining inside for some odd reason, staring out the window despairingly. These human traits I am experiencing are becoming increasingly strange. Why should I feel this compulsion to hide myself away? Fortunately, Barefoot Tefé came to my emotional rescue, for once. There came a knock, and I opened the door. There she was, her young beautiful sleek nude body gleaming in the sun outside.

"Weird, I never figured you for the shut-in type, Daddy." She smiled. I took a moment, to admire her naked healthy fully sun-bronzed little barefoot woman's body, along with her magnificent long white hair, and the ensemble of nude body jewelry she wore. "I've had this stuff for awhile, but check out my fucking-rocking barefoot anklets, Dad. They're brand new." she said, as she padded her way as softly and quietly as ever into the cabin with me. I noticed this, when she first walked inside, nude and wet from one of her daily swims, to join me. She set her plastic stand-up aquatic riding board and its attending paddle down onto an old chair. Then she once again gestured for me to observe the bright new jewelry placed upon her beautiful forever bare feet. The lovely adornments decorating my barefoot daughter's leisurely but very athletic always bare feet were hard to miss, when I casually glanced down:

Barefoot Tefé's beautiful barefoot anklets were visually pleasing to me. I don't see this sort of thing much in our marshy location outside of town. Barefoot Tefé said she'd forgotten to take them off, as she gently stroked her wet very long sleek and glistening white hair. She was glad she hadn't ruined her barefoot anklets during all of her healthy running, wading, diving, and underwater swimming as they weren't exactly made for messy outdoor sports. When asked, she said she they were a gift sent to her in the mail when she joined an online faith cult. We paused our discussion and went outside. When we reached the water, we plunged down into the swamp for another good long underwater swim. When we surfaced, Barefoot Tefé rested her lovely wet nude body on some rocks to sun herself and wanted to know what was actually on my mind, since I never make such a big deal out of something so trivial, unless something important has come up. First, I was curious about this new cult. Barefoot Tefé said that's news she had yet to tell me.
A couple of days ago, Barefoot Tefé learned of a new religious cult devoted to Conner Kent. Barefoot Cassandra Sandsmark had joined them last week and she was promoted to their leadership most recently. Barefoot Tefé joined the local branch of this new cult movement and she received her elegant new barefoot jewelry today. Barefoot Tefé admits she's not the spiritual type outside of our family experiences, but she is certainly curious about the Kryptonian practices of which her barefoot girlfriend Barefoot Cassie now takes part. Barefoot Tefé said she's received several e-mails concerning this, especially now that private detective Ralph Dibny (the former superhero Elongated Man) has become directly involved with the Barefoot Wonder Girl, investigating the cult's affairs. I asked Barefoot Tefé if anything else was happening in the world today. Indeed, Barefoot Risa Del Toro was arrested by Miami's Vampire Crime Unit this week, while Barefoot Suzy and I were away investigating the Shadowpact situation. Perhaps now that situation will be sorted out. Barefoot Tefé also reported yesterday the Gotham City Homicide Unit of the GCPD found the body of one "Lex Luthor." Doubtlessly, Constantine's final arrangements for his friend Alex Luthor were as short-lived as Conner Kent's former final resting place in Smallville. Now both of these deceased young men are getting questionable attention shown in Gotham and Metropolis. Last evening, Egyptian monarch tyrant Black Adam stopped an aerial battle between the Barefoot Power Girl and Terra-Man over Khandaq, explaining that the barefoot superheroine was violating his country's airspace. He placed the western supervillain into his own custody, a move that is certain to stir up even more international controversy.
I asked Barefoot Tefé how things are at home with Barefoot Abby. Barefoot Tefé said everything is fine. She now has a revised report card with passing grades, and accordingly, she has received her invite to attend her Graduation ceremony tomorrow afternoon. Barefoot Tefé is certainly glad Barefoot Abby has called in her favors owed to her from James Gordon, leading to this. Tomorrow should be a good and meaningful time, even if I cannot attend Barefoot Tefé's graduation day myself. There must be some form of gathering where I can discuss matters with other heroes with weblogs of their own more regularly. Yes, I shall begin an online search. If fortune is with me, I may find others with interests like my own. I have a feeling things may turn out for the best after all. No more feeling sorry for myself, that much is for certain. I cannot fall into despair again, for too much is at stake. When I finally told Barefoot Tefé of the Shadowpact's fate, for example, she insisted that I must "Get a grip!" Indeed, if there are other heroes out there who will have me, then I hope to find them soon. For I could use the extra friendship. Perhaps needed moral support from others faced with triumphs and frustrations will do wonders for me. Yes. We shall have to see about this.

Barefoot Tefé's Graduation, and Barefoot Zatanna's Birthday.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Search For The Shadowpact.

What Unknown Fate Has Happened To These Heroes?

Today I spent working with the now-recovered Barefoot Black Orchid, beside Barefoot Zatanna, Barefoot Lady Witchfire, and Rex the Wonder Dog in Riverrock, Wyoming. Despite the extreme measures we employed, there was no breaking into the dome in which the Shadowpact is mysteriously trapped. The rescue effort seemed hopeless, yet we continued to try.

My partner, the Barefoot Black Orchid became increasingly frustrated, when our combined physical strength proved useless. Barefoot Suzy loves Blue Devil with all her heart. She knows him well, and has no wish of ever losing him.

The young Barefoot Lady Witchfire's pyrokinetic ablilities also proved equally useless against the mystically fortified dome. She has a strong admiration for the Barefoot Enchantress and Barefoot Lady Nightshade. Barefoot Lady Witchfire had high hopes of freeing them. Yet the mystical flames transmitted blazingly high above from her bare hands and directly under her lovely bare feet had no effect.

Even Barefoot Zatanna's formidable mastery of magic could not remove the dome's enchantment from this plane of existence, and she finally came to tears because of it. Barefoot Zatanna is very close friends with the Nightmaster and Ragman, both of whom have earned her respect. She has extensive histories with every member of the Shadowpact, making their apparent loss all the more sad and tragic.

In his turn, Rex the Wonder Dog took part in our desperate attempts to free the Shadowpact, even futilely biting at the dome with his teeth! He is loyal to his lifelong friend Bobo the Chimpanzee, known to us today as Detective Chimp.

Lastly, I attempted to enter the dome from beneath the earth. Failing that, I resorted to minor geothermal gradient compression for a few seconds. Repairing the environment beneath the dome to its non-volcanic state, I was to forced to admit defeat. Without the Shadowpact, I am the only hope my home has left against the dangers we face. I soon found myself alone, everyone else having given up hope in utter frustration, or setting out to find others to redouble these desperate efforts. I simply don't know what can be done. I merely concentrated my energy on returning to the surface.

Barefoot Suzy did not wait up for my return. I collected my discarded laptop and faced the impenetrable dome alone before turning back to the airplane trip home. The Phantom Stranger has now assigned Barefoot Madame Valda, the Barefoot Iron Maiden to stand watch over the dome for the first month-long vigil, with Barefoot Lady Witchfire's turn to follow. The Shadowpact is now lost to us, perhaps forever! This place may be their tomb. Depression and sheer frustration is beginning to overwhelm me. Our often-cheerful barefoot lady pilot, Barefoot Lady Blackhawk shares our sadness on this grim occasion. We don't know what to do next. I feel so lost...

Family, Friendships, Faith!